Learning Fatherhood (4): Can I be Celibate...and Happy?

"Learning Fatherhood" are reflections on Spiritual Fatherhood. They are not mature reflections on the theme and may be considered more "experiences" and meditations through which we come to Spiritual Fatherhood in the Priesthood. As a seminarian I know that this will be the identity and challenge I am called to take on especially in these last years of priestly formation.

Isn't Celibacy a train-wreck waiting to happen? Take a young guy - sometimes good looking - and restrict him from a life without a life companion...and the "goods" of holy matrimony?...Aren't we being a bit immature, platonic...too much wishful thinking here? Hasn't past experience shown us that celibacy is - to say it realistically,"IMPOSSIBLE" ?

My answer to the question "Can I be Celibate and Happy?" is simple

"Yes"

and this is why:

To narrow down celibacy to "not having sex" would be to narrow down marriage to "having sex". This sad 'narrowing' of celibacy is perhaps significant in one of the ways  society is paralyzed - an immense sexual immaturity.

On the otherhand to narrow down the 'celibacy' question to just a question about maturity would also be immature. What can it then be narrowed down to? Perhaps it shouldn't be 'narrowed down'. Maybe we should widen our horizons to something big, grandiose - spacious and more expansive. 

To answer this question with some depth we have to answer two more questions: 

1. What does "celibacy" mean? What is its purpose?
2. What does it mean to be Happy?

1. The Meaning of Celibacy 

"Celibacy" according to the dictionary merely comes down to us from the latin "caelibatus" for "bachelor" or "widower". Doesn't this go exactly against what Pope Francis said about the identity of Religious and Priests? Aren't they supposed to avoid being "Confirmed Bachelors"?

In a mysterious context Jesus mentions that there are three kinds of "eunuchs" (cf. Mt 19:11-12) - castrated men usually used as slave-servants so as to keep noble lines pure of any slave blood. Jesus mentions that there are those "from birth", those who have been placed at the service of men (primary definition), and finally "and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake". 

Castration is ugly - really ugly. It seems like we've gone from bad to worse. Hasn't Jesus just said that in his religion there will be those "castrated"..."for the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The reading of the Gospel must be accompanied by the life of Our Lord. We infer through other readings such as the one about "plucking eyes out" (cf. Mt 5:29 which he mentions in the context of lustful glances) that despite the fact He worked copious miracles he never actually punished people (such as the 'adulterous woman' - cf. Jn 8) by "plucking out eyes" or "removing limbs". In fact, Jesus forgave, and that, uncommonly. The reading of the call to chastity by Jesus is one that is not 'literal' but 'figurative' but yet real because He lived it himself. 

Jesus was and is celibate. His Mother and Father were celibate. Voilá the first genetic mystery in the history of mankind (After Adam and Eve...how exactly they procreated the human race...let the Biologists figure it out...). This celibate Holy Family marks something - not vaguely different - but the biologically impossible. In the final analysis, we have to ask "Why did Jesus live celibacy?" (and connected to it "Why did the members of his family live celibacy?"). I think I have one answer:  

To be celibate means to live "Heavenbound".

Baptizing a new etymology - I would like to propose a grammatically incorrect etymology. "Celibate" (which comes from "caelibatus" in Latin) we could fictionally but yet meaningfully say comes from "caelum" + "batus" or "Heaven bath". It's incorrect but better suited for the intended meaning of "celibate" than caelibis meaning "Confirmed Bachelor". To be "celibate" should mean for us (the Christian sense) to be "bound for Heaven" or "Heavenbound" to be "born from above" (cf. Jn 3). To be bathed with the waters of baptism and yet transcend those same waters in and through grace. Fulton Sheen speaks about Celibacy as if it were as "travelling with a jet plane". The design of celibacy  in the Chrisitian world is the same as the one Jesus speaks of in the Next Life: "those who are considered worthy to attain to that age and to the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage" (Lk 20; Cf. also Mt 22; Mk 12). In celibacy we dare to take on the same design of life in Heaven - yet on Earth.

Priest Praying the Rosary

But it's not enough to want to get to Heaven to be celibate. Celibacy is tough. The 'Cross factor' is no doubt present (ask the writer - he can attest). Celibacy is by definition a project towards Heaven requiring great assistance. It is NOT just a Personal Effort. Jesus recommends that "those who can receive it do so" (cf. Mt 19:12). It is a particular calling and the grace to live it out is a gift - charism.

to be Continued...

Learning How to become a Father (Part 1): Losing Dad on a First Friday

"Learning How to become a Father" are reflections on Spiritual Fatherhood. They are not mature reflections on the theme and may be considered more "experiences" and meditations through which we come to Spiritual Fatherhood in the Priesthood. As a seminarian I know that this will be the identity and challenge I am called to take on especially in these last years of priestly formation.

 

 

The Prodigal Son

 

 

Almost 10 years have past since my father's passing. I received the call on a First Friday, day dedicated to the Sacred Heart of Our Lord. It was my brother, Andrew. We hadn't talked in a year. The conversation was simple - we became timid as I began to intuit that something was wrong - he got to the point. For me that moment continues to stop time dead in its tracks.

"I think Dad died."



I can't remember another moment in my life where I felt my heart skip a beat - just one beat - but it skipped. Next, I got what details I could from Andrew and I promised I would be back in Atlanta as soon as I could. The pragmatic mover and shaker side of me took over and I forgot to wonder what had just happened - just, how can I make it home as soon as posible?. In prayer I searched out a meaningful passage that I had just recently read.

"...he went up on the mountain by himself to pray...During the fourth watch of the night, he came toward them...[Jesus] spoke to them, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” (Mt 14:22-27)

I didn't sleep. I froze. I felt an immense loneliness. Morning came and I was dizzy after having had a fitful night. Opening the Bible to the passage I began my morning prayer. I read it but I didn't recognize the text. I wondered what was going on. I read it a second time and it read:

"He walked along from there and saw two other brothers, James, the son of Zebedee, and his brother John. They were in a boat, with their father Zebedee, mending their nets. He called them, and immediately they left their boat and their father and followed him." (Mt 4:21-22)

I had been so tired I had mistaken Matthew 14 with Matthew 4. The fact dawned on me during mental prayer:


 "they left their boat and their father and followed Him"

I wept. The bells rang. I woke up. Your Father is no longer. Then a certainty came over me as a wave over the waters. You have a Father [God] in Heaven. I wept of hurt and lost love. There could be no better summing up of losing a father than what a kind Irish lady by my side had to say on the return trip:

"Losing a parent is as losing half your heart".





The next days went by in a flurry. Flights...Funeral home...Prayer...Greetings...I don't remember too much from these days but I can say that I went away different. Despite the hurt and the pain I was able to carry a smile all the while. I carried a secret in my heart: I have a Father in Heaven...and He Loves me.

I was purchasing a bottle of water at the airport when the cashier handed me my change. She looked up and stared. I didn't realize what I had been doing. It was then she paid me one of the most beautiful complements I had ever received: "You have a beautiful Smile". I reeled. I thought, "right here, right now? After everything I'm going through?" But the fact remains,

"Those who believe are never alone – neither in life nor in death."

Joseph Card. Ratzinger - Funeral Homily JPII

Lesson 1- First step of Spiritual Fatherhood is to discover that you have a Father in Heaven above and beyond the Father here on Earth. Only then can we begin understand the role we are called to as Spiritual Fathers for souls.